Happy 2019 - What a difference a year makes!

Happy 2019 to all the dear mommies near and far!  New Year is a good time to pause and reflect on your last trip around the sun.  A year ago, my daughter and I closed 2017 with alot of uncertainty ahead of us.  I had just lost my job during maternity disability leave just before the holidays, and still struggling with severe PPD, something that I feel is just not talked openly enough about today.  As I jump-started my job search--everything was on the table, including moving in with my parents, leaving the Bay Area and/or moving out of state.  2018 marked a big transition year.

In February 2018, I accepted a job opportunity at a small, boutique woman-owned firm in San Francisco providing outsourced CFO services to the Investment Management space.  I had returned to work after unexpectedly taking a 10-month leave. I had a lot of emotions about not only returning to work but starting a whole new job as a first time mother.  Returning to work is indeed so much harder than one would expect. It was a challenging first 6 months, my brain was slow as molasses, it felt exceedingly slow getting acclimated to a very fast-paced dynamic office, while keeping up with mother duties of pumping every 3 hours. My anxiety level ran high.  I was stressed out. I was overwhelmed.  I cried alot. I even broke down in front of my new boss (thank goodness my new boss is a mother of two). It was hard to feel like you're not on your A game everyday. While I knew giving up was not an option, I felt the compulsion to quit for many, many months.  Everyone around me told me it takes at least a year to feel comfortable at a new job and to not be so hard on myself and to give myself some time.  I wanted to believe them but it was still very hard. Very hard. 

10 fast months later, I finally feel settled, grounded and infinitely more efficient in 2019.  I really enjoy what I do, it is wonderful to feel successful again and to return to something that I have a level of competency in.  While I didn't think so for awhile, I got through the transition back to work ok. It was hard, but we found our way. 

 My new mantra for 2019 is "You got this. You got this baby thing.  You got this work thing. You got this single mommy thing. You may not always feel it, but you really do."


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