Oakland Choice Mom

It's amazing and crazy how fast this third trip around the sun has been ----even in these slow pandemic days.  These past several months have been particularly challenging and lonely to say the least,  but Jojo and I have proved to be the best team - mommy managing full-time work during peak busy season and Jojo adjusting to life without our sweet nanny, family, and friends. For Jojo's third birthday this year, we weren't able to host a big birthday bash as we did last year and it was A-ok.  She still had an amazing celebration with chocolate cupcakes home-baked by mommy, cheeseboard pizza and a life-size PINK DANCING UNICORN!  She is indeed one lucky kid and knows her life is rich with memories and wonderful people.  Many from near and far submitted their birthday wishes which I then compiled into a video montage.  Personally, they were therapeutic to see all the immense thoughtfulness and love that came with the birthday videos.  This video is a 30 minute commitment s

Today marks 100 days since my father's passing.  We have carried out the Vietnamese and Buddhist traditions thus far to honor our father. A parents love is one you can always count on. The feelings are so overwhelming and can completely take over---it's hard to put into words how it feels to lose a parent.  I am slowly gaining morsels of strength and peace over the past few months but it still pains me deeply that Josephine will grow up without her grandfather at her corner.  The best I can do is embody his spirit, love, kindness, and stories of his heroism in Josephine's upbringing. On this day, I'd like to share excerpts of my eulogy speech I wrote for my father: As I think of my father, a few special memories come to mind.  He had a few special ladies in his life but his first love and #1 lady was my grandmother, Ba Noi. He cherished and loved her with all his heart. She lived in Germany. We visited her every few years, and in between, we called her toge

Happy 2nd Birthday Sweet Josephine! Happy big two to the two of us!  My daughter just turned two on July 2nd this year.  Truly amazing how fast time goes by. I didn't do much for her first so made it up by hosting not one but two birthday parties this past month. Two in itself is such a huge milestone (big HELLO to terrible two's)!  Up until recently, in my pre-parent mind, I naively thought that the "terrible twos" were over-hyped and filled with hyperbolic toddler stories. Boy was I ever wrong! Josephine had showed signs of independence and strong determination since birth.  Although I know these next few years will be filled with battles, lots of tears, tantrums and exhaustion, it is deep joy to witness this little human learn, discover and welcome new skills of doing more things on her own .  She is learning to count in German and Vietnamese.  She is forming new sentences everyday, my new favorite is "mommy is preetty!"   And she is even cracking

Happy 2019 to all the dear mommies near and far!  New Year is a good time to pause and reflect on your last trip around the sun.  A year ago, my daughter and I closed 2017 with alot of uncertainty ahead of us.  I had just lost my job during maternity disability leave just before the holidays, and still struggling with severe PPD, something that I feel is just not talked openly enough about today.  As I jump-started my job search--everything was on the table, including moving in with my parents, leaving the Bay Area and/or moving out of state.  2018 marked a big transition year. In February 2018, I accepted a job opportunity at a small, boutique woman-owned firm in San Francisco providing outsourced CFO services to the Investment Management space.  I had returned to work after unexpectedly taking a 10-month leave. I had a lot of emotions about not only returning to work but starting a whole new job as a first time mother.  Returning to work is indeed so much harder than one would expe

My Dear Josephine, Happy First Birthday.  This day feels so surreal and so amazing.  Part of me can't believe it's already been a year; the day of your birth was the most traumatic and also the best day of my life.  I will never forget the rush of emotions when the doctor eventually helped place your fresh tiny warm body on my heart. You are my greatest gift and my biggest lifelong dream come true.  I am deeply grateful for you. I asked, wished, and dreamed for a daughter almost my entire life. And then I waited and waited.  And here you are.  Not only here but you are so remarkably special in so many ways.  You are quite possibly the “magic baby” that every parent dreams of.  You're very happy, constantly smiling, giggling and always looking for your next adventure. You’re curious and inquisitive, sweet yet determined and very much an independent little human. Every day I watch you develop into a new, more mature version of yourself and I’m so proud of your milestones

As a choice mom, one of my biggest worry is around my daughter one day answering to her friends and strangers to the inevitable question, "Where is your daddy?"  I never want her to feel inadequate or less than in any way because she has a different family structure as a consequence of the decisions I have made. My daughter just turned 10 months this May, and I feel like I am barely coming out of the fog of new motherhood, and naively thought I had at least a few more years before I come up with a rehearsed story for her.  No, I should have been ready, like yesterday.     Baby J was playing with my friend's 4.5 year old son, completely absorbed with his trucks and legos.  It was a precious, sweet moment to witness the two parallel play together until he abruptly turned to her and asked, "Where is your daddy?"  My heart dropped.  Of course, he didn't comprehend that she didn't know how to talk yet so he repeated the question the 2nd time, and eventua